Making Time for Terry

Sierra Mist: The response

2007-05-01T23:11:00.000-07:00

April 26, 2007

Dear Terry:

Thank you for taking the time to contact us here at Pepsi-Cola Company about the problem you had with one of our Sierra Mist packages. We always enjoy hearing from our loyal customers and I read with great interest your witty, creative correspondence. Please accept our apologies for the inconvenience this situation caused.

As you may well know, Pepsi-Cola has been producing some of the best-known and well-loved soft drinks on earth for over a century. It's with folks like you in mind that we have continued to work hard, ensuring our products are fresh, great tasting and wholesome and that our advertising, promotions and packaging meet the highest standards of excellence. So, you can imagine how distressed I was to hear about the packaging circumstances that you incurred.

The quality of our packaging is very important to us, and if you still have in your possession the defective container, we would like to get further information. There are codes that would be helpful in identifying and correcting any possible problems. Be assured that we take such incidents seriously and will follow up with the production facility responsible for filling and distributing this package.

Additionally, we do appreciate you sharing your suggestions with us. We thought you would be interested to know that we have a Packaging Innovations team that is always hard at work. These are the people within our company whose job it is to develop and create new packaging. And, although we are flattered that you chose to contact us, people at our Company may have already come with similar, inventive and humorous concepts.

At Pepsi we value the point of view of our consumers. Therefore, you can be certain that your perspective has been shared with the appropriate individuals here at our headquarters. I am sure that will find your feedback just as compelling as I have.

Again, thank you for contacting us and bringing this matter to our attention. I have taken the liberty of enclosing something to help you remember your friends here. We consider ourselves fortunate to count you among our truly valued customers.

Sincerely,

R____ H____
Consumer Relations Representative

[letter accompanied by two coupons (free 2-liter bottle) and a Pepsi hat—Terry.]

Sierra Mist

2007-04-16T09:19:00.000-07:00

April 16, 2007

Pepsi
Customer Relations
700 Anderson Hill Road
Purchase, NY 10577

Dear Sir(s) and/or Madam(s).

I enjoy things just like other people do. (Except for the people who enjoy pistachios, if that’s how you spell them.) However, my decided enjoyment of one of your products was not in evidence when… Pardon me. I should have started that sentence differently, I now realize.

What had happened was that I had have opened a can of one of your products and the next thing I knew was that my shirtfront was covered in some wet something (which I later figured out was your product). Sierra Mist? I almost started to think that your product should have been called Sierra Raining (or even Explosive!)!

Imagine the look on my face! (If I had a beard I’d look a little like the coach from Coach if he had a beard like Trapper John from Trapper John.) Shock, confusion, being wet. These were the emotions on my face after this incidence.

It occurred to me that the carbonation of the “soda” (or “juice” if you’re from Vermont) is what led to this occurrence. And that maybe—maybe—the can had been shaken prior to when I opened it. And if so—please follow me here—something could be done so that this would never happen again. I believe I have achieved what that something is/could be.

1. Make the cans much bigger, so they are harder to shake or jostle. If they were, say, the size of the big glass ball on top of old-fashioned gumball machines, that should do it.

2. Make the can much harder to open. Like, the part you press down with the thing could be less perforated (?) so you would have to really push it down hard. This would give the shaken-up contents time to stop.

3. Remove the carbonation. I think this one is self-explainatory.

I also have ideas 4 through 5 "ready to go" when you want them. Please let me know.

Thank you for “making time for Terry,”

William “Terry” Fietz

Trader Joe's

2006-08-23T13:51:00.001-07:00

August 23, 2006

Trader Joe's Customer Relations
PO Box 5049
Monrovia, CA 91017

Dear Sir(s) and/or Madam(s).

I have recently concluded a shopping “experience” at one of your stores. I forget the exact location, but it was most likely in the State of Washington. This happened only this morning, and I don’t recall driving any great distance. So let’s just say Washington, and be done with it.

However, that’s not the only thing I wanted to bring up.

Moreover, I find the name and nature of your enterprise misleading. After arriving at the check-out “stand” with a shopping cart full of shopping goods, I was informed that I would not be able to TRADE for my purchases. The checking-person—can we please agree to discontinue use of the racist term “checker”?—refused even to consider trading groceries for my authentic thermos, novelty playing cards (dog breeds of the world), and unopened ream of photocopying paper. (I had high hopes of starting my own magazine a while back, but that fell through.)

Trader Joe’s? More like Taking Money Joe’s! I realize that you are free to run your company the way you wish, but this is blatantly unfair. All these years you have been banking on your image as humble barterers, but when it comes time to “walk” the “walk” you are unable (or unwilling) to live up to your “end” of the bargain.

Those tradeables didn’t fall into my shoulder bag on their own, you know! I spent an entire afternoon going through my things to find items your organization would be willing to trade for. (For which your organization would be willing to trade for?) And what am I going to do for pudding now? Do you have an answer for that, Joe’s?

If you would like my help implementing a true Trading Post-style environment for your stores, please let me know. I will be out from 4:00 until 5:30 tomorrow, but any other time will work for me.

Thank you for “making time for Terry,”

William “Terry” Fietz

Soap: The response

2006-02-13T20:27:00.000-08:00

2/8/2006

Dear Mr. Fietz,

Thanks for contacting us about Safeguard. Comments like yours help us provide products and packaging features which best meet people's needs and I'm sharing your feedback with the rest of our team.

Meanwhile, you might want to visit the Share Your Thoughts section on our corporate website. It's specifically designed for anyone interested in sharing a quick thought or participating in surveys. Just go to http://www.pg.com and click on 'Get in Touch with Us.' Then select 'Share Your Thoughts.'

Thanks again for writing.

Sincerely,

C________ O_________
P&G Consumer Relations

Soap

2006-01-26T11:49:00.000-08:00

January 26, 2006

Procter & Gamble
1 Procter & Gamble Plaza
Cincinnati, OH 45202

Dear Sir(s) and/or Madam(s).

When you wash your hands as often as I do—two and sometimes even three times a day!—you learn a lot about soap. The textures, the aromas, the flavors, and, yes, even what it looks like.

It was during a strenuous hand-washing session on Saturday (orange glaze, I think) that I looked down at the bar of soap in my hands, and it hit me. (Not literally hit.) I realized something interesting about soap. It isn't important what bar I was using. (It was Safeguard.)

First, a little background: When lathering my hands with “bar” soap, I use the following technique: I hold the bar in my right hand and, palm down, rub the bar against my upturned left palm circularly in a clockwise direction. (I tried counter-clockwise once, but I ended up with a chipped tooth. True story. But too long for this letter.) I probably make about 10 or 11 circles. By that time, I have usually created a healthy amount of the ol’ suds. Then I place the “bar” back in the day’s (or holiday season’s) soap dish and go on from there.

What I noticed was that, through use, the “bar” begins to take on a shape just right for my hands and particular technique. I am, as it were, changing the shape of it. And here is where it gets good! What if you were to design and manufacture left-handed soap?! It’s one of those ideas—like seat belts—that are so obvious you can’t believe some idiot hasn’t already made a fortune off it.

Left-handed soap could offer the left-handeds of the world their opportunity to keep their hands clean in comfort. I don’t know any left-handed people, but I do not discriminate. If you would like to discuss this further, I am always available, except for Mondays through Wednesdays, 11:15—1:15ish, and Thursdays, from 3:30 on.

Thank you for "making time for Terry,"

William "Terry" Fietz

Pierce the Film

2006-01-19T15:46:00.000-08:00

January 19, 2006

Amy's Kitchen, Inc.
PO Box 449
Petaluma CA 94953

Dear Sir(s) and/or Madam(s).

Like you, I enjoy my food fast, convenient, and microwave-preparable. It is for this and many other reasons that I frequently eat frozen “entréès.”

And while I believe the advances made in food eating convenience have been commendable, there is more work still to be done. (I know you’ll agree that this is an exciting time for all of us, microwave food consumer or not.)

I hope you won’t take offense at my critiquicisms (a word I coined several years ago), but your product could use advancement! Your packaging instructs me to “pierce the film 3 or 4 times with a fork,” or something. (I can’t remember the wording exactly—I usually remove the tray and throw the box away while I’m driving home from the store.)

But—and here is where my typing gets a little furious—what if I don’t have a fork?! You should include some kind of piercing instrument in the packaging. (It would be good to masking tape it to the tray, so I don’t accidentally throw it away when I toss the package out of the car window.)

Also, you should put some kind of counter in the piercing instrument, so that the consumer can keep track of how many times the film has been pierced. I wouldn’t want to underpoke or (god!) overpoke the film!

I look forward to hearing from you. If you would like to kick “around” any more ideas along these lines, I am available. But I don’t have a phone anymore.

Thank you for “making time for Terry,”

William “Terry” Fietz

Mighty Bites: The response

2005-10-24T15:23:00.000-07:00

October 18, 2005

Dear Mr. Fietz:

Thank you for your comments regarding Kashi® Mighty bites™. Consumer opinion is important to us and we thank you for the time you took to contact us.

We are sorry that you did not enjoy the appearance of this product however we wanted to make a cereal that was for kids WHOLE BODY and MIND.

Our research indicates that many consumers approve of its aroma, taste, texture and appearance. Although you do not share this opinion, we appreciate your letting us know that Kashi® Mighty bites™ did not measure up to your expectations.

We appreciate your comments and will share them with the appropriate company officials. We have enclosed coupons which we hope you will use to try this product again, or to purchase another product that you enjoy.

Thank you again for sharing your thoughts!

Best of health,

A________ A_____
Consumer Relations

Cat Food Bag

2005-08-26T10:00:00.000-07:00

August 26, 2005

Packaging Technician (Bag)
Nestlé Purina PetCare Company
St. Louis, MO 63134

Dear Sir(s) and/or Madam(s).

I would like to preface my remarks with the following anecdote:

My cat Sauerkraut has a special pillow he likes to sleep on, a small, circular, blue pillow. I think it was left behind in the house when I moved in. That would be 1982 or 83.

This anecdote highlights just how important my cat Sauerkraut is to me. He (I think he's a he) is one part friend, one part companion, and a million parts all-around The Best Cat in the World. Which is why we buy and eat nothing but your Purina© Cat Chow© brand cat food Complete© Formula. (Well, we don’t both buy and eat it. I buy it. He eats it. I am just so accustomed to thinking of the two of as a “super team” that it just came out that way!)

One thing I have noticed about your product is the difficulty Sauerkraut has opening the bags by himself. I know that you have helpfully supplied a string for cats to pull on in order to open the bag, but I have been having a hard time getting Sauerkraut interested enough to grab it between his “hands.”

This has me stumped. Is there a way to make a remote control opener he could step on, or a zipper I could attach to his tail? An Easy-Tear© panel he could scratch apart? There must be some way to make it easier for him to get that darned delicious thing open!

Any help you could give would be highly appreciated. (By Sauerkraut, too!) Even if it’s something I would have to “rig up” myself. I have an ample garage if that sparks any ideas, and a wide array of power and conventional tools.

Thank you for “making time for Terry,”

William “Terry” Fietz

New Hampshire

2005-08-23T11:37:00.000-07:00

August 23, 2005

Office of the Governor
State House
25 Capitol Street
Concord, NH 03301

Dear Sir(s) and/or Madam(s).

Last night, I was reading an atlas (book of maps) and I happened on a mention of your state: “New Hampshire.” I consider myself something of a “scholar” of geographics, so I was more than a little surprised to learn of a brand-new state!

Congratulations on your statehood—if that’s the right word—and welcome aboard! I think you’ll find this is a pretty magnificent country.

If you haven’t already, you’ll need to choose an official state bird, flower, tree, dog, folk dance, sport, and so on. (I know! It’s a lot of work, but it’s worth it!) My advice? Choose things that give your state a friendly kind of a feel. You’ll want people to visit you or even live there!

I would be more than happy to provide whatever assistance you and your New Hampshirarians might need. (I would suggest you come up with a better term than New Hampshirarian. How about New Hampshirite or New Hampshirer? No, those aren’t very good either. But I think you get the idea.)

Thank you for “making time for Terry,”

William “Terry” Fietz

Mighty Bites

2005-08-15T12:57:00.000-07:00

August 15, 2005

Cereal Designer
Kashi Company
P.O. Box 8557
La Jolla, CA 92038

Dear Sir(s) and/or Madam(s).

I, like you, yearn for a delicious cereal that is also healthful for growing bodies! I have sampled every cereal variety I could find, one flake, O, square, clump, and couldn’t classify/undefined form at a time. Often, I have purchased the boxes of cereal in question for more in-depth research at home. (Or on the way home! Have you ever tried Golden Grahams?)

Then I found MIGHTY bites. I have to admit that I was first drawn in by the big New! in the corner. New! is exactly what I needed! I was tiring of the 8–12 bowls of old cereal that power me through my day. Even Golden Grahams get boring after a while. Well, not Golden Grahams literally, but I think you get my point.

Your empowering message of delicious plus healthy was an exhilarating “equation!” You even have a celebrity endorsement in the form of one Dr. Sears Says. (Although Dr. Says is described as a “Father of Eight.” Eight what? That stumped me for a day and a half, before I figured it out. (It’s children, right?))

Which leads to my complaint. For such a principled cereal with so much love of children in its favor, how can you justify the shape of MIGHTY bites: A human form?! A cereal shaped like people?! You see where I’m going with this. I’m not accusing anyone of anything, but this shape is highly not appropriate!

I’m not naïve. I know that man-shaped cereal won’t necessarily promote cannibalism among impressionable children. But it certainly will give the less stable among them some very dangerous ideas.

Please consider a different shape. Maybe, going with the MIGHTY bites name, a boulder shape would work. Or a hydroelectric dam or a rhino(ceros). There are many mighty shapes in this world that wouldn’t imperil us as a nation.

I look forward to hearing from your people. I am available for more brainstorming, if that’s how you want to handle this.

Thank you for “making time for Terry,”

William “Terry” Fietz