Cat Food Bag

August 26, 2005

Packaging Technician (Bag)
Nestlé Purina PetCare Company
St. Louis, MO 63134

Dear Sir(s) and/or Madam(s).

I would like to preface my remarks with the following anecdote:

My cat Sauerkraut has a special pillow he likes to sleep on, a small, circular, blue pillow. I think it was left behind in the house when I moved in. That would be 1982 or 83.

This anecdote highlights just how important my cat Sauerkraut is to me. He (I think he's a he) is one part friend, one part companion, and a million parts all-around The Best Cat in the World. Which is why we buy and eat nothing but your Purina© Cat Chow© brand cat food Complete© Formula. (Well, we don’t both buy and eat it. I buy it. He eats it. I am just so accustomed to thinking of the two of as a “super team” that it just came out that way!)

One thing I have noticed about your product is the difficulty Sauerkraut has opening the bags by himself. I know that you have helpfully supplied a string for cats to pull on in order to open the bag, but I have been having a hard time getting Sauerkraut interested enough to grab it between his “hands.”

This has me stumped. Is there a way to make a remote control opener he could step on, or a zipper I could attach to his tail? An Easy-Tear© panel he could scratch apart? There must be some way to make it easier for him to get that darned delicious thing open!

Any help you could give would be highly appreciated. (By Sauerkraut, too!) Even if it’s something I would have to “rig up” myself. I have an ample garage if that sparks any ideas, and a wide array of power and conventional tools.

Thank you for “making time for Terry,”

William “Terry” Fietz

New Hampshire

August 23, 2005

Office of the Governor
State House
25 Capitol Street
Concord, NH 03301

Dear Sir(s) and/or Madam(s).

Last night, I was reading an atlas (book of maps) and I happened on a mention of your state: “New Hampshire.” I consider myself something of a “scholar” of geographics, so I was more than a little surprised to learn of a brand-new state!

Congratulations on your statehood—if that’s the right word—and welcome aboard! I think you’ll find this is a pretty magnificent country.

If you haven’t already, you’ll need to choose an official state bird, flower, tree, dog, folk dance, sport, and so on. (I know! It’s a lot of work, but it’s worth it!) My advice? Choose things that give your state a friendly kind of a feel. You’ll want people to visit you or even live there!

I would be more than happy to provide whatever assistance you and your New Hampshirarians might need. (I would suggest you come up with a better term than New Hampshirarian. How about New Hampshirite or New Hampshirer? No, those aren’t very good either. But I think you get the idea.)

Thank you for “making time for Terry,”

William “Terry” Fietz

Mighty Bites

August 15, 2005

Cereal Designer
Kashi Company
P.O. Box 8557
La Jolla, CA 92038

Dear Sir(s) and/or Madam(s).

I, like you, yearn for a delicious cereal that is also healthful for growing bodies! I have sampled every cereal variety I could find, one flake, O, square, clump, and couldn’t classify/undefined form at a time. Often, I have purchased the boxes of cereal in question for more in-depth research at home. (Or on the way home! Have you ever tried Golden Grahams?)

Then I found MIGHTY bites. I have to admit that I was first drawn in by the big New! in the corner. New! is exactly what I needed! I was tiring of the 8–12 bowls of old cereal that power me through my day. Even Golden Grahams get boring after a while. Well, not Golden Grahams literally, but I think you get my point.

Your empowering message of delicious plus healthy was an exhilarating “equation!” You even have a celebrity endorsement in the form of one Dr. Sears Says. (Although Dr. Says is described as a “Father of Eight.” Eight what? That stumped me for a day and a half, before I figured it out. (It’s children, right?))

Which leads to my complaint. For such a principled cereal with so much love of children in its favor, how can you justify the shape of MIGHTY bites: A human form?! A cereal shaped like people?! You see where I’m going with this. I’m not accusing anyone of anything, but this shape is highly not appropriate!

I’m not naïve. I know that man-shaped cereal won’t necessarily promote cannibalism among impressionable children. But it certainly will give the less stable among them some very dangerous ideas.

Please consider a different shape. Maybe, going with the MIGHTY bites name, a boulder shape would work. Or a hydroelectric dam or a rhino(ceros). There are many mighty shapes in this world that wouldn’t imperil us as a nation.

I look forward to hearing from your people. I am available for more brainstorming, if that’s how you want to handle this.

Thank you for “making time for Terry,”

William “Terry” Fietz